Trends and Predictions for 2006
9th January 2006
By: Robin Bloor
Surfin' Safari #35: The Illuminati
There are quite a few "shadowy groups" in evidence on the web, who fit the following description: "It is a secret society that actually rules the world (rather than the current crop of world leaders, who only appear to). Vote as often as you please, it'll make no difference, because they are in charge, running the world according to some hidden agenda." There are traces of such groups all over the web, and the Illuminati is one such group.
Insofar as there is any reliable history of this particular band of dubious schemers, the Illuminati was founded on May 1, 1776 by Adam Weishaupt, who was schooled by the Jesuits and who happily recruited Masons into his club. In 1784, the Bavarian government wisely decided to ban all secret societies - legislation, by the way, which seems pretty redundant to me, because if a society is truly secret, you won't know about it and therefore cannot ban it, and if it isn't, I guess the ban doesn't really apply.
This notwithstanding, nothing prompts the growth of lies, rumours and misleading information about a secret society as much as a ban. And nothing (apart from having been banned) makes it more attractive to potential members than having extraordinary alumni. In particular, any self-respecting world-dominating secret society must have had Leonardo Da Vinci and Isaac Newton as members at some point in its history.
This is certainly the case with the Illuminati. Google for "illuminati" and "Da Vinci" and you'll get 195,000 hits. Try "illuminati" and "Newton" and its 273,000 hits.
What you may be thinking is "didn't Isaac Newton die well before 1776 (like in 1727 for example) and Da Vinci too (like in 1519)". Well, yes... But you have to admit that both of these guys were well ahead of their time, and perhaps they were far enough ahead to, nevertheless, have joined the Illuminati when it was formed.
Anyway, not all authorities agree that the Illuminati was founded in 1776. The Ancient Illuminated Seers of the Eschaton, who claim to be the modern day illuminati, are pretty sure they were founded by Hassan i Sabbah in 1090 AD. And if you want to know more... "If your I.Q. is over 150, and you have $2300.00 (plus handling), you might be eligible for a trial membership in The Ancient Illuminated Seers of the Eschaton." Lucky you.
Me, I'm too dumb to believe that real secret societies set up web sites and charge thousands of dollars for membership. I just don't have the IQ points.
By the way, you may be wondering what Eschaton means. It means "the last thing" because these Illuminati - like all self-respecting world-dominating secret societies - are in control primarily because we are approaching "The End of Times".
Next week: The Rosicrucians
Coming Soon: The Bilderberg Group
Eventually: The End of Times.
More definitions from the Alternative Real Time Guide to Enterprise Computing. (Disclaimer: IT-Analysis/IT-Director takes no responsibility for anyone who takes any of these definitions seriously).
Demon (Or Daemon)
One of the few remaining technical terms that indicates computing's origins in black magic and satanism. A demon is an independent process that sits invisibly in the background on a Unix computer doing unspeakable things.
A Ouija board
This Page Intentionally Left Blank
This definition intentionally left unwritten.